Holiday Stress in Relationships; Why the Season Feels Hard (and How to Protect Your Connection)
Holiday Stress in Relationships: Why Tension Increases This Time of Year
The holidays are often framed as a time of joy, connection, and togetherness. But for many couples, this season brings more stress, more conflict, and more emotional strain especially if the relationship already feels stretched.
As a couples therapist at Thrive Therapy & Couples Counseling in California, I see this pattern every year.
And the truth is: nothing is “wrong” with your relationship if the holidays feel harder than expected.
Holiday wreath on a door representing holiday stress in relationships and the emotional challenges couples face during the season.
Why the Holidays Add Pressure to Relationships
The holiday season disrupts the very things relationships rely on to stay regulated and connected.
Common stressors include:
Increased stimulation and sensory overload
Family expectations and unresolved dynamics
Travel, hosting, and financial strain
Disrupted routines, sleep, and alone time
Pressure to feel grateful, joyful, or “together”
Financial strain
When our nervous systems are overloaded, conflict management skills are the first thing to go.
That’s why small disagreements suddenly feel big and familiar arguments show up on repeat.
Holidays as Rituals of Connection (and Why That Matters)
In the Gottman Method, holidays are considered rituals of connection - shared experiences that help couples create meaning, tradition, and emotional closeness over time.
Think:
Decorating together
Hosting traditions
Family gatherings
Annual trips or routines
When couples feel emotionally safe and connected, these rituals strengthen the bond.
But when conflict skills are shaky, rituals of connection can quickly turn into sources of resentment.
Why Conflict Feels Worse During the Holidays
Here’s what I often tell couples:
The holidays don’t create problems - they expose them.
When stress is high:
We react instead of respond
We assume instead of ask
We defend instead of listen
Without solid communication tools, it becomes hard to enjoy the season or each other.
3 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress in Your Relationship
1. Name the Season You’re In
Try saying out loud:
“This season is stressful for us. Let’s treat each other gently.”
Normalizing stress reduces blame and creates teamwork.
2. Lower Expectations (On Purpose)
You don’t need to do everything the same way you always have.
Ask:
What actually matters to us this year?
What can we simplify or let go?
Connection thrives when pressure decreases.
3. Protect the Relationship Before Solving Problems
Before logistics or conflict, try:
“I care about you, and I want us to stay connected through this.”
That emotional safety matters more than getting it “right.”
When Holiday Stress Is a Sign to Get Support
If the holidays consistently bring:
Repeated arguments
Emotional distance
Resentment or shutdown
A sense of walking on eggshells
It may be time to strengthen your relationship before stress takes over again.
At Thrive Therapy & Counseling, I help couples build communication and conflict skills so rituals of connection actually feel connecting.
A Simple Way to Reconnect This Season
If the holidays feel stressful but you still want moments of closeness, sometimes the most powerful shift comes from intentional time together — without pressure.
That’s why I created a free resource called 12 Transformative Dates to Strengthen Your Relationship
These aren’t expensive, over-the-top date ideas.
They’re meaningful, doable experiences designed to help couples:
reconnect emotionally
create rituals of connection
deepen understanding
feel like partners again, even during busy seasons
Think less “perfect date night,” more real connection that fits real life.
A free couples resource created by Anna McDonald, LCSW of Thrive Therapy & Counseling in California. 12 Transformative Dates to Strengthen Your Relationship offers intentional, research-informed date ideas designed to help couples reconnect, improve communication, and build rituals of connection — especially during stressful seasons like the holidays.
Free Download: 12 Transformative Dates to Strengthen Your Relationship
If you’re navigating holiday stress, this guide gives you simple ways to prioritize your relationship without adding more to your plate.
Download the free guide here and start creating connection - one date at a time.
You Deserve to Enjoy the Season - Together
The holidays don’t need to be perfect.
They just need to feel emotionally safe.
If you want support navigating holiday stress in your relationship, couples therapy can help you reconnect, not just survive the season. Click here to learn more about our California services here at Thrive Therapy and Couples Counseling.
Author’s Note
This blog is intended for educational and reflective purposes only. Every couple’s experience is unique, and what works for one relationship may look different for another. My goal is to invite curiosity, compassion, and conversation—not to prescribe or replace individual therapy.
